Random things I have been thinking about: Please read my heart. If salvation depended on loving God and loving people, would I live differently? If I would then I don't live to love Go d or people theway I was called to and perhaps have watered down and muddied the message of Jeuse for others and in my own life.There is this self-righteous side of me that pretends that I know whatch is "supposed" to look like. I have found myself complaining aboutthe dynamics of ch... and shame on me for thinking or judging the bodyof believers. Plus, if we complain about the body... and yeah sometimes we do need to take note of things that are wrong... but if we complain about the church we have to be apart of the change... if wearen't apart of the change, then why are we complaining???? We are just apart of the problem. That is something I have thought a lot about lately. If you are only critiquing the problem then that's aproblem in itself. I live in the mist of war. Something I have been contemplating is if I am ready to die for the gospel. I'm reminded of Stephen when he is being stoned (Acts 7:54-59). He is getting pounded and pounded with rocks until he dies and his last words, as blood is trickling down hisface and he is gasping for air, he speaks.... "Lord, do not hold this sin against them." Am I willing to die for others to know that grace of Jesus?I hate the "M" word. It kinda makes me cringe. The "M" word entails some "saint" or something... like people that have their life so together that they can work on other people's. missionaries are "good people".Yeah... no freakin' way. Gah, I struggle so bad in sin. My intentions are jacked sometimes, my mind is messed up, I don't pray all of the time or read the Word as if it's bread for my hunger... no...I'm not there in any of those things. If "M" entails sharing the gspl... then I sure hope that people don't think I'm an missonary only sometimes. I hope people always see Jesus in me through my actions, love,and mess ups where His grace is provided infinitely. If you are afollower of Jeuse... you are an "M" (missionary).... or maybe none of us are missionaries...we are just people who love Jeuse and believe in His message... we do notneed the "M" label. I do not desire that label...